This was posted by a friend of ours on her blog and it made me cry because it's such a perfect analogy.
By Diane Armitage printed in the April 21, 1995 "Dear Abby" column.
Deciding to have a baby is like planning a trip to Australia. You've heard it's a wonderful place, you've read many guidebooks and feel certain you're ready to go. Everyone you know has traveled there by plane. They say it can be a turbulent flight with occasional rough landings, but you can look forward to being pampered on the trip.
By Diane Armitage printed in the April 21, 1995 "Dear Abby" column.
Deciding to have a baby is like planning a trip to Australia. You've heard it's a wonderful place, you've read many guidebooks and feel certain you're ready to go. Everyone you know has traveled there by plane. They say it can be a turbulent flight with occasional rough landings, but you can look forward to being pampered on the trip.
So you go to the airport and ask the ticket agent for a ticket to Australia. All around you, excited people are boarding planes for Australia. It seems there is no seat for you; you'll have to wait for the next flight. Impatient, but anticipating a wonderful trip, you wait--and wait--and wait.
Flights to Australia continue to come and go. People say silly things like, "Relax. You'll get on a flight soon." Other people actually get on a plane and then cancel their trip, to which you cry, "It's not fair!" After a long time the ticket agent tells you, "I'm sorry, we're not going to be able to get you on a plane to Australia. Perhaps you should think about going by boat."
"By BOAT!" you say. "Going by boat will take a very long time and it costs a great deal of money. I really had my heart set on going by plane."
So you go home and think about not going to Australia at all. You wonder if Australia will be as beautiful if you approach it by sea rather than air. But you have long dreamed of this wonderful place, and finally you decide to travel by boat.
It is a long trip, many months over many rough seas. No one pampers you. You wonder if you will ever see Australia. Meanwhile, your friends have flown back and forth to Australia two or three more times, marveling about each trip.
Then one glorious day, the boat docks in Australia. It is more exquisite than you ever imagined, and the beauty is magnified by your long days at sea. You have made many wonderful friends during your voyage, and you find yourself comparing stories with other who also traveled by sea rather then by air.
People continue to fly to Australia as often as they like, but you are about to travel only once, perhaps twice. Some say things like, "Oh, be glad you didn't fly. My flight was horrible; traveling by sea is so easy."
You will always wonder what it would have been like to fly to Australia. Still, you know God blessed you with a special appreciation of Australia, and the beauty of Australia is not in the way you get there, but in the place itself.
(Mary again): I'd like to add an extension to this story though, because I think birthmoms have yet another kind of trip. Perhaps (because I haven't taken that trip I don't know for sure), it would be something like this:
You know that you'd like to travel to Australia someday, maybe in a few years or so, but have not started planning or packing for the trip at all. There's a lot to do before you can go to Australia. Then someone suddenly puts you on the plane and by the time you realize what's happened, you're already in mid-flight.
"Wait!" you say, "I'm not ready to go yet, this can't be happening!" But you have no choice now. Your friends and family are shocked to learn that you're on the plane, but they help you adjust to the trip. Slowly, though the flight has a bumpy start, you begin to get used to the idea of going to Australia, and by the end of the flight, you're actually excited to get there.
During the trip you hear of a couple who are traveling by boat and have waited a long time to visit Australia, but though they are on their way, they can't get into the country. "Perhaps", you think, "I can let them go in my stead," though the decision is hard to make since now you really want to go to Australia. In the end, you decide to let these other people go to Australia instead of you.
When the plane lands, you walk off and watch as people excitedly rush off to their destinations. But you only get to see the airport. It's a bittersweet moment as you watch this couple go out to explore the country, but you're at least happy that you were able to give them the chance to go. With heavy heart, you get back on the plane and fly home.
The couple sends you pictures and stories of their exciting adventures in Australia, and you start packing for the day when you can take the trip again, this time for yourself.
6 comments:
That gave me goosebumps, thank you for sharing that with us all!
:)
the idea behind this is very good, and im glad that you added to it and put a different spin on it, however I think that whether some one is adopting or is able to get pregnant and have a baby, BOTH circumstances have their challenges. Sometimes it feels like women who easily get pregnant look at adoption as the easy way-which its not, but sometimes when any people adopt they almost resent the women who were able to concieve, and think that what they went through was harder or worse. As you know I dont have kids, but we are wanting them and are taking steps to get there, hopefully soon;-). And I hope this does not sound rude because that is not my intent, but I would never look at woman who gave birth and went through morning sickness and 9 months of pregnancy and labor and think that they had it better than someone who adopted. And in the same note, i would never look at someone who has adopted and think that is was the easy way, because obviously it is not, there are so many emotional challenges with pregnant because tthat I am sure. I am not specifing this to you Mary, but the part of that story that bothered me was when it said that th people on the boat didnt get "pampered". It bothers me only becasue it feels like it is saying that pregnant women just think "this is so easy, and I get pampered, i can just keep popping them out time after time". Like I said mary this is NOT directed to you. I have watched my sisters have to be hospitallized when they are pregnant hey have thrown up so much and cant keep anything down that they have to go to the hospital to get I.V.'s. I just want people to understand that either way is not better or easier than another way. One of my sisters (she was deathly ill) said that the thing that got her through the sickness was realizing that she was able to get pregnant and how blessed she was for that. She definatly has the best attitude about this in my eyes. She has compassion and apprecitaion and respect for those women who are not able to give birth to child themselves. That is my point of this long comment....is to have appreciation of what EVERYONE goes through to get those babies here.;-)
I was about to leave a very long comment, but decided to make a new post instead. :)
Mary, you would be amazed at how your words move me. I can't tell you how many times I have read your blog and sat here in tears (today included). Thank you so much for your goodness, your wonderful heart. I love you.
Kathy
I love you guys.
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