If you haven't read the article I posted yesterday, scroll down and read that first. :)
This is a response to a comment made by my good friend Charonne. I was typing it as a comment, then realized it was quite long, so I should just make it a post.
I definitely agree that babies are a miracle however they come into our families. I don't think it was the intent of the article to say that pregnancy is the easy way either. That would just be hypocritical. I think we adoptive parents sometimes just feel like we need a little validation, because most women are able to conceive, so most women therefore understand the difficulties of pregnancy. But most people haven't been through adoption and so don't understand it as well. I think the article was just trying to balance the scale a little bit, but hopefully it doesn't try to tip it in the opposite direction.
I have seen and heard of many difficult pregnancies, and I hope I never give the impression that I think pregnancy is easy. I have never resented pregnant women. I love pregnant women (how can you not love that cute little bump?) :) Some women have the challenge of difficult pregnancy. Others have the challenge of getting pregnant before they intended. Yet others struggle (albeit, with love) with having a large young family. Every person has their own unique set of struggles in this life - and hopefully we can all learn from each other and help each other out, never judging or assuming we know exactly what another is really going through. I share my feelings and experiences simply to try to facilitate understanding, and share our story with those we love. That, and I just love to blog. :)
Also, to me, the reference to "pampering" doesn't necessarily have to do with making pregnancy easy, but rather the fact that when you're pregnant, everyone knows you're expecting a baby - and usually gives you special treatment and already considers you a mom. When we were "expecting" Rachel, strangers didn't know, my coworkers didn't know, and even people I knew well often didn't fully treat me like I was about to have a baby, I felt like they were just kind of waiting to see - holding back the congratulations just a little bit - just in case. Which I don't blame them for, because there are no guarantees and I was nervous too. It just makes the transition into Momhood very abrupt - one day I wasn't a mom, and the next day I was. No 9 month in between stage. Am I grateful for the way we brought Rachel into our family? Emphatically yes, it was an amazing experience filled with amazing people. I would (and likely will) do it again in a heartbeat. Do I still hope to become pregnant someday? You betcha. I don't think those two feelings have to battle.
I hope that in talking/blogging about various adoption topics, I never send out a "wo is me" vibe. I feel very blessed in my life. I am so glad we adopted and I love Rachel with all my heart and can't imagine my life without her. My goal is simply to share my experiences in the hope of bringing more understanding about adoption. Adoption is not better or worse than building a family through conception. Just different. Every baby is a miraculous gift from a loving Father in Heaven. And in the end, just like the author wrote, "the beauty of 'Australia' is not in the way you get there, but in the place itself."
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7 comments:
I read your previous post and thought nothing of it (negatively) I loved reading it, and thought your addition to is was awesome!
I would never say an adoptive mom had the easy way of getting to "Australia" Although I know I am EXTREMELY blessed to be able to have to two wonderful kids I have, I still hate being pregnant and am DREADING round three (if it happens)I always feel guilty complaining about pregnancy because people get so easily offended about it. Pregnant women do get more pampering..(at least I think so.. ) and don't worry.. your blog posts don't come across as "wo is me vibe" just gives us a different perspective to look at, and I enjoy reading it.
Thanks Cami. :)
good ppost, by the way i LOVE ksl.com too! We have sold nd bought stuff on it alot!
Mary, once again, all I can say to you is "amen, amen, amen." And, as you know, I have experienced becoming a mother both ways: conception and adoption. They are both very difficult, very rewarding, and very often misunderstood by others. I, too, love my adopted child with all the love any mother ever had for any child. Thank you for sharing and thank you, thank you, thank you for so beautifully recognizing what the experience was like for Mindy. She was truly so inspired when she chose you.
I always read your posts and cry. I think adoption is one of the most spiritual things out there. I don't cry much, but adoption stories are just so full of love. I LOVED that analogy. I have obviously been able to have children, but when my doctor told me that I would have to have them all by c-section I was devastated because everyone else gets to go through labor (I know this is not as difficult as not being able to get pregnant at all, but I do know the feeling of being "left out" of what seems like a right of passage), and as I was crying about it in the doctor's office he told me that the BABY is the miracle. It doesn't matter HOW that baby gets here. The whole reason we get pregnant or adopt is because we want to be a parent. That made me feel so much better, and your story just reiterated that to me. I hope I'm not coming across as rude by comparing c-sections to infertility, but I do hate it when people tell me c-sections are the "easy way" because (like you) if I could do it the other way I would...thanks for another beautiful post!
P.S. could I maybe steal that article and put it on my blog?
That didn't seem rude to me at all. You're sweet Carlee. :) And I "stole" this from someone else's blog anyway, so steal away. :)
That "Australia" story kept me going through many long times of waiting for my two beautiful children! Adoption is truly a blessing for which I will be forever grateful! Rachel and Daniel are two of my greatest blessings!
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