So I just barely wrote a new post (see below) and after putting it up, realized that pretty much all my posts so far have been about how cute Rachel is and how much we love her. Those are unalterable truths, but I feel that I should also concede that there are hard days (and harder nights), and sometimes I get frazzled by constant baby care. Today was one of those days. Thank goodness for my wonderful hubby Mike. He wanted to go over to a friend's house tonight to work on his airsoft gun, but offered to take Rachel with him so I could have some me time (and house-mess damage control time). He is awesome, and such an amazing Daddy.
If I can get up on my soap box for a moment, I'd like to say that I think people, women specifically, and LDS women even more specifically, often expect perfection from themselves. We look around and see everyone else's apparently perfect children/houses/appearance/lives and think that we have to measure up to that same standard. We look at someone blog, which is really only a small and very selective hint of someone's life, and assume that they have a perfect life, because, well, look at all the wonderful pictures! But that's not the whole story. We NEVER know the whole story of someone else's life. Never. We put our best selves out there for the world to see (and who can blame us? I do it too). But that can make life hard sometimes, because then we get the feeling that everyone else is so much better/prettier/smarter than we are. So, while I will continue to post cute pictures, and talk about the wonderful things that are going on in our family (because there ARE many wonderful things going on), just know that it's not perfect. I'm not a perfect mom (Ha! Even the thought is funny), I'm not a perfect wife, my house is often messy, and I have days where I feel like I am - as my husband can now quote, because it's usually at the tail end of a hard-day rant - "fat, ugly, and no one likes me."
So really all I'm trying to say is that if you feel like you're at the bottom end of the perfection totem pole - don't worry. Everyone else feels that way too. Really. Let's all just freely acknowledge that we seriously ALL lack perfection and work on building each other up and helping each other through the hard times. And don't forget that if we WERE all perfect, we wouldn't need the Savior or His atonement, and that would be the biggest tragedy of all.
And I'll get off my soapbox now and end with a list of little-known Rachel factoids:
1. Rachel will always start crying the minute Mike or I are about to start eating. Not while cooking or heating, but the very second we sit down to actually eat. Also often applies to talking on the phone. Nothing while dialing, but crying as soon as the talking begins.
2. Turns out poop really can be all the colors of the rainbow, even with formula feeding (how is that possible - you're eating the exact same thing every day??) So far we've had mustard yellow, bright yellow, all imaginable shades of brown, and a bright army-green. TMI...sorry.
3. I used to think I knew the "right" ways to take care of a baby. Then I had a baby. Now I realize that the "right" way is whatever way enables me to sleep and/or eat.
4. The nights when I most want to go right to bed are the nights that it will take 2 hours to put Rachel to sleep.
5. Rachel will not cry (much) while in Grandma's arms. I figure this is either: 1) Grandma's Magic Touch, or 2) A clever guise Rachel has to trick Grandma into thinking she is a perfect baby.
And lastly,
6. Today Rachel smiled at me in a way that melted my heart and made a relatively hard day all worthwhile. It is a universal truth that the harder you work for something, the more you appreciate it, and being a mom is a harder job than I ever imagined. And I loved that smile more than I ever could imagine, too. :)
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11 comments:
You have learned some essential truths early on into parenthood! Good for you! The trick is to remember those truths through all the stages of imperfections (both yours and Rachel's) Sometimes we let our children's choices affect our opinion of ourselves. I believe that guilt drives parents much more than we should allow. But I digress. That will come later. For now, know that your beautiful little one is perfectly normal on all 6 counts! Love it all! (Even when you don't, just chalk it up to funny stories you can tell later) And lastly, write it all down because later she will want to know everything!
I liked this post, I agree with everything you said! I gave up trying to be perfect after Dawson was born :)
It's so funny how she cries the second you eat, or talk. Dave and I would laugh that Dawson would do the same thing. Landon had us tricked into thinking babies were easy. What a lie!! Dawson was (still is at times) a crier A LOT!! He was also a show baby, happy for anyone but us! I think after they hit that 3 month mark they start to develop more of a personality and things start to get better (with the crying anyway)
You are doing a great job, Rachel is beautiful!
One more thing, how could you ever think you were fat or ugly or that anyone wouldn't like you? :) Man, if you're fat.. what does that make me! :)
With both of my kids things got a lot easier when they turned 4 months. They started sleeping better and longer which in turn made everything else easier! So just a few more months. But I am sooo glad to see that you are enjoying all the fun, little things. This time though hard goes by sooo fast. With my first I found myself saying, "I can't wait til he...sleep through the night, eats baby food, walks"...you name it! Since I was focusing so much on those things I missed a lot of the "now". So you are doing a great job! Keep it up! And so quickly this part will pass into an even better part. It just keeps getting better and better!
I know how you must feel! When I was a kid I kept wanting to be perfect for my parents. After never measuring up, I gave up. That was when I became a teenager:)
No, just kidding. You and Mike are awesome. I guess life lived right is "hard". But that is good I guess, because it is by taking the path of least resistance that men and rivers become crooked. Thank goodness for the sun after the storm, the cool night after the blazing hot day and the flowers after the dead of winter. So too will you have your sun, night and flowers throughout raising that cute little angel from heaven.
Your blog is so cute! I am so glad I found out that you had one. I love blogging. I am sure we will be seeing more of each other with our husbands new callings! Overwhelming, I know. You guys can blame it on Jeff. As soon as he got the call he immediately wanted Mike as his counselor. I LOVE the pics from the hospital. They made me tear up!
Amen to everything you said. Especially #3 on your little list. Newborn care is all about mommy care!
The first 3-4 months are hard because newborns are adjusting to life outside mommy. The key is balancing baby care with mommy care so neither is done INSTEAD of the other. It can be done!
Babies are only like this for a very short time.
Houses, however, are dirty for the next 18 years, so just let it go and embrace the chaos!
Wow, very well said! I am so glad to see this post because I agree with you 100%! A lot of us do have unrealistic expectations for ourselves, (myself especially.) Also, I loved your #5. Andrew does that to me too!! :) I love reading your posts, I think you have a gift for writing! You should be an author. And as always, thanks for the beautiful pictures of that amazing little girl.
I love that you wrote this, Mary! You are so right about the blogs, too. I look at other people's blogs and feel like I should be a better mom that does more fun things, is more creative, and takes better pictures. That's so silly that other people think that too. Thanks for making me relax a little and feel better about myself today!
Thanks Mary, I needed that.
I agree the mommy stuff is tough but well worth it. It is amazing how you can be so exhausted but somehow you find the energy to fullfill the duties of motherhood.
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